My job is easy. I can do it in my sleep. I basically work a few hours, get paid for a lot of hours, and no one fucks with me. I won't say I'm irreplaceable, but I'm pretty damn Teflon coated.
The only thing that gets my shit twisted is the crew under me. It used to change almost monthly because apparently no one in this fucking city gives a shit about paying their bills. I've been there nearly 10 years and I'd need all the fingers of an ekamukhi to count how many have come and gone. After a few years of deliberately fucking with the useless ones until they finally decide to go elsewhere (because I may be boss of my crew but be fucked if I can fire any of them), I've managed to weed my crew out until I have all but one slot stocked with smart, entertaining, cynical fuckers like me. Hey I don't give a shit if they eat babies as long as they're dependable.
After dozens and dozens of wastes of hair and hide, Julie came under my command. Smart and funny, Julie was easy to get along with and figured the job out in minutes. Best of all, she didn't engage in those bullshit games women love so much. You know the ones. Shit Stirring. Backstabbing. Gossip Hour. Bullshit like that is why I have precious few female friends.
For the first time in a long time, I let myself think I'd found one that would last. Maybe even one I could be friends with.
Last week I went into work and was surprised that Julie wasn't already in. First 15 minutes, then a half hour passed, and still she hadn't shown up. I texted her asking if she was coming in any time soon, but got no reply. Calls went unanswered. I texted another employee to see if he'd heard from her. His attempts to reach her also failed. By the time an hour had come and gone, I couldn't kid myself any more. Julie had quit.
It wasn't the first time someone had pulled that shit, but this time I felt betrayed. I'd started to think of her as a friend, but obviously she thought so little of me that I wasn't even worth a phone call and a line of bullshit about joining the Reserves and being shipped out the next day. She just left me there for over an hour to wait like an idiot.
Fucking cunt.
Tonight Julie was at work. After a fucking WEEK of not showing up or calling, the bitch was at work. Fired? Hell no, my boss isn't going to risk having Julie file for unemployment. He's not going to fire anyone. Of course, she came in all apologetic and embarrassed, trying to explain to me why she never showed up or bothered to call and let me know she wouldn't be coming in. Right?
Fuck no, she came in like nothing ever happened. I wanted to slap her teeth straight. No apology, no explanation. Nothing.
Her roommate was happy to fill in the details though. Julie simply decided that getting blind staggering drunk at home was more attractive than going to work, and then she stayed that way for the next 3 days. Apparently this is not uncommon.
However, now that Julie has lost her gold star of approval, it's open season. If there's one thing I can't resist, it's pushing people's buttons. I've already got her replacement in place, so there's no reason to play nice. She's only wanting 2 days a week anyway, and her replacement wants the full week so I lose nothing by running her off. She's in tomorrow, and I can hardly wait.
Let the games begin.
