While Julie was drunk in an alley somewhere, my boss called to tell me he'd be by later to "discuss some ideas" with me regarding a replacement. My boss is notorious for hiring the worst of the worst, so the idea that he wanted to talk about one in particular could only mean it was SO bad that even he thought it might be a bad move.
I suspected he was going to suggest Carol, who was currently on a different schedule but had worked Julie's spot before. As far as I was concerned, that wasn't going to happen. Carol has been hired and fired from just about every business for 20 miles around, and for good reason. She was one of those "team leader" sorts, who liked to stand on the side and order everyone else around. To hear her bitch and moan two days later, you'd think she was the one doing all the work while the rest of those slackers just sat on their asses and drank chai lattes.
A month earlier I came in to discover Carol's tweaker husband Dawson and his sister hanging around out back. They wandered over to the dumpster when I pulled in, because you know, who doesn't want to hang around a reeking trash can? Once inside, I found the back door left unlocked, and a side window wide fucking open. WTF would that window be open when it was 34 F outside?
We've been robbed once before by an employee, and it looked pretty obvious to me that Carol was thinking maybe she could do it too. She'd been trying to figure out how to score some cash so she and her crackhead hump could go to Jamaica this summer, and apparently she figured it out.
I had told my boss about it at the time, but in his usual clueless stupor, he just said he'd "remind them all" to be careful about leaving doors and windows open. Feh. Fucker deserves to be robbed.
Since then Carol had been particularly friendly to me, which I knew better than to buy into because we never got along when she worked under me before. In response, I busted her chops every time I came into a mess she left behind. Stuff I'd normally take care of and say nothing about, I was pitching bitch fits over. Fuck her, right? And now I was sure my boss was going to try to sweet talk me into taking her back on my crew. When he finally came through the door, I was ready and waiting to shoot down that idea with both barrels.
"I think Dawson would be good at this, and he needs a job. What do you think?"
To my credit I did not say "I think you are a fucking moron and deserve to be robbed nine ways from Sunday. Sure let's put that meth cooking theif on the clock. Fuck, give him a key too while you're at it. Then, I'll go home and leave him alone up here so he can rob you blind"
Instead I said "NO WAY", which was immediately counted by "But why not?" Oh let me list the reasons you gullible twat. He's on meth. He cooks meth. He sells meth. Fuck his whole family is on the shit. We already have issues with people thinking we're a fucking drug front because you keep hiring every sob story and crack whore in the county, but hey why not add one more? Just to round out the shifts I mean.
Hat in hand, my boss sadly left, his great idea torn to shreds. Thankfully one of my crew knew someone for the job, and now I have a very sweet guy who is hitting on all 8 cylinders for the spot.
Apparently someone clued Carol in to why her crack monkey didn't get the job, and now she won't speak to me, heh. She's even trying to get me in trouble, complaining that I "get in her way" when I come in early for my shift. This amuses me to no end. I think, you stupid fucking cunt. First off you're disposable, so don't even think you have any power to fuck with me. Secondly, there's no way in hell I'd let your crack monkey on my crew and I'll come in early EVERY fucking day I know you're on, just to make sure you don't "forget" to shut the window again. I'll inspect every trash can to make sure you emptied it, check the locks on all the doors, and make sure you didn't leave a mess on the floor. And when you sit there and toss glare after glare my way, I'm going to send you a great big smile, because it amuses the living shit out of me to piss you off. There's nothing you can do to make me even half as angry as you're getting because I place more value in the emotions of shit throwing chimpanzees than I do in you.
Now go clean the toilet.
